Written by Wes Annac
Lately I have begun to be shown what is quite a literal process of transmuting ‘vasanas’ or habit patterns formed which are related to past traumas and incidents. As the theme of many of my recent writings has been displaying, I may be getting more into discussing the dreams I have been given as they have increasingly began to match the ongoing process in myself of transmuting former pains and traumas and the resulting mindsets and habit patterns that result.
As I expressed in a recent writing, I recently experienced a dream wherein I was graduating from elementary school.
The theme was very joyous and at one point, very emotional as I seemed to be going through heavy bouts of crying in relation to releasing this part of myself once and for all as it is fully transmuted. The traumas that have taken place within this body were all experienced during childhood and the ‘elementary school’ period and so it seems that this previous dream was especially significant because I have recently surfaced the worst of the traumas I have experienced while within this body.
Such a surfacing was very emotional, intense and surfaced many things about myself that I have since been on a fast track to working toward transmuting. I was even publicly and quite mean-spiritedly targeted and attacked for the public surfacing I performed of such traumas, in what was ultimately a catalytic and necessary event that exposed even more things about myself that I had needed to become aware of, such as my former habit of falling into old ways of arguing and ‘duking it out’ over the internet that I have since grown away from.
As the worst of such transmutation work was performed, it seemed that I was given a sign that I had graduated from that round of learning lessons and surfacing things about myself and was ready to move on to the next ‘step’; mainly what I had experienced in Jr. High and High School that resulted in mindsets I still fed that I didn’t quite realize I was stuck within.
Long before I had the dream given above, it seems that a beginning rung of this process was already making itself known to me as while with my child at a public park one day, some teenager walked up to me with a girl he was with and in a very tongue-and-cheek way, made fun of me for my appearance. I have shaggy, somewhat long hair and a beard that I usually do not shave unless it gets particularly long, and to some this could perhaps be seen as something to make fun of.
I did not know this kid, nor did he know me or anything about me, yet in an effort to appear ‘cool’ or ‘edgy’ to the girl he was with, had no problem with making fun of a complete stranger to their face. This event was ultimately quite necessary as it exposed a part of me that, to be quite frank, has a very strong distaste for this type of person and for what they seem to represent to me personally.
I will admit to having caught myself feeling very cold and negative thoughts toward this soul for reasons that I would soon discover ultimately root back to feeling as an outcast in Jr. High and High School. I was feeling a mixed plethora of lower emotions; anger, contempt, rage, a wish to see this soul ‘get his’ or otherwise witness ‘revenge’ being exacted and not only did the surfacing of such feelings which were brooding within me as this teenager was walking away, prove to expose such lower parts of me to myself; it seems that the energy behind such feelings could have been more strong than I had expected.
I should say in general, that karma works in mysterious and sometimes, quite bold ways.
What happened to this kid as he was walking away could be seen as a karmic happening that unfortunately, was boosted exponentially by the negative thoughts and feelings I was harboring within. I know that I will be and have been experiencing karmic repercussions for the role I undoubtedly played in what happened next but on some level or another, what happened was meant to happen and because of the role that I played in its manifestation, I was meant to witness it.
In a further effort to appear ‘cool’ to the girl that he was with, as they were walking away this teenager started jumping up on the small log-posts that line the bike path of this particular park. Still feeling a brooding anger and contempt within, I watched this soul as he jumped up on one post, jumped down, jumped up on the next and kept repeating in that fashion.
Again, I witnessed this happening as it took place – as this kid jumped up onto the last post, it seemed to give way out from under him, leaving him to fall on his backside and look a fool in front of his ‘sweetheart’ who he had been trying to impress all along. Don’t worry, he wasn’t hurt – or if he was he did not want to show it and risk further embarrassment. He jumped back up and began walking with his tail between his legs, having just embarrassed himself in such a manner.
Before they exited the park, I saw him make one last look back at me to confirm if I had seen what happened, and that was when the most spiteful, revenge-driven, negative emotion rose up in me as I had enjoyed his fall a little too much.
That’s right *$&$%. I saw what happened. You deserved it…
Indeed, such emotions arose up in me and even as I was feeling and expressing them, I knew them to be out of alignment. That is something I have been noticing as of late in general; if I knowingly express through myself something that is of the old, dense paradigm, I can almost hear that gentle voice of intuition within nudging me and letting me know that I am falling out of alignment at that particular moment.
I could feel the density and spiteful rage I was bringing through myself and even writing about it here slightly exposes me to such deeply-held contempt. It was quite necessary for me to become aware of such inner-held pain that had not to do with abuses garnered as a child, but with the later pains and ridicules that resulted in the surfacing of the vasana I was holding within very strongly, which took place at that park.
Either way, the kid was meant to play a part in this surfacing and while I do feel ill about my possible part played in his fall, I know that I have experienced much karmic retribution that could likely have to do with this happening. As always, writing about this is the best necessary way for me to surface it.
This seemed to be the first major surfacing of a series of unresolved vasanas within myself related to feeling like an outcast as a teenager.
Shortly after that event happened, I received the aforementioned dream with the encoded message that I had graduated from surfacing the worst of what I experienced as a child and was now ready to move on to the ‘High School’ vasanas and transmute the pains garnered during such an experience. The very next night, you’ll never guess where I found myself within my dreamscape.
I was in Jr. High School, on a field playing some type of sport with all of those people that I had felt rejected from, that I had held contempt toward. Apparently within this dream it was necessary that I ‘embarrass’ myself and make this entire group of people I had already despised
deep within, mad at me. This specific happening was manifested as me kicking a ball into the wrong direction, apparently into our team’s goal. I guess it would be reasonable to say that we were probably playing soccer [which I also don’t enjoy].
Anyway, I was forced to feel the embarrassment and the contempt held toward me by the whole ‘team’ which, upon thinking about it, was likely my own spite and contempt-based energies held within, being continually bounced back and forth between myself and other, deeply-held aspects of myself. There was one individual in particular who was apparently very mad at me for making the team ‘lose the game’.
I was experiencing a surfacing of fears I had held within from such times which all traced back to the fear of getting ‘beat up’ and humiliated as that was something that the few but influential bullies and ‘cool kids’ liked to always flaunt around [being able to fight]. The dream may have been signifying to me that during this particular dream, it was best for me to ‘get on the bus’ that used to take me back to my home in my hometown, in which I no longer Live.
I normally would not make such an interpretation and would rather perceive ‘going home’ as a back step but I experienced a dream interaction with what could have only been a Guide of mine, clearly speaking with me that signaled the best thing to do may have indeed been to ‘get on the bus and go home’.
As much as this may confuse, to properly explain this next part of the dream I will have to backtrack to a previous and similar dream that I have had recently.
I was walking around in a ‘ghetto’ type of area and noticed many groups of shady-looking people that I thought were going to mess with me at any second. This is a common theme in my dreams; being in pursuit from some ‘abuser’ entity or group of entities taking one form or another. They are meant to represent and mirror the fear that I hold within and rather than trying to get away as I normally would, I am being led to confront such fears head-on.
I passed by one of these shady-looking groups in this ghetto and I remember one of the individuals within this group saying something to me. I do not remember for the Life of me what it was but I know that I saw a threat in it, despite the fact that what they were saying could not have been inherently threatening at all. That didn’t matter; I was still going to fear them because of my pre-instilled fears of some type of ‘boogeyman’ getting me in my dreams.
I remember talking very little with this individual as I was nervous and scared that at any moment, they were going to start messing with me. I remember hurrying through their house and finding an older black man sitting out back. My plan was that I was going to pass him by hoping that he was not wishing to ‘mess with me’ and try to slip out of the front through the yard without the group seeing me.
However, this gentle soul had quite different plans. As I passed by and looked at him he made a gesture, I believe a smile, looked directly into my face and simply said this to me:
Hey, about what Steve [Beckow] said. These guys can’t hurt you, and they don’t want to hurt you. They are you.
That was about all I can remember about this interaction, and it was the boldest and most direct contact I have ever received from a close guide in the dreamscape, who took the form of a wise older man.
Steve Beckow has been discussing vasanas and the quite real reaction patterns that are formed from the gaining of traumatic experiences, thus the reference by this dear guide. The dear Guide also used something that would be familiar to me and essentially ‘jar’ awake my aware Self to get my attention and help me gain lucidity; in this case being a reference to a fellow awakening truthseeker.
This guide and the group of souls were simply trying to represent the fears that I am still holding within, that result from feeling as an outcast or feeling as if I were to get ‘beat up’ or at the very least, publicly humiliated or embarrassed in Jr. High and High School.
They are very real vasanas and the experience with the group and the old man served to literally have such vasanas exposed to me by my guides, while in 3D Life they were beginning to be exposed as well with my quite literally being made fun of by a teenager, which was my biggest ‘fear’ in such times – not fitting in.
Now, to return to the Jr. High dream in which I was discussing, I seemed to have yet another close interaction with a guide that at the time, I had assumed was an inciting into violence. As I happened upon the bus that I used to ride home on, I found myself face to face with another soul from my past who played a particularly strong ‘bully’ role to me in Jr. High School.
This soul simply looked right at me, directly in the face yet again with a calmness and even an honor that seemed very strong. This soul simply said this to me:
You should sit with the person you made mad on the bus.
This was all this soul said to me and was all that they needed to say. While within my only semi-lucid dream state and feeling a very strong fear and contempt, I assumed that this had only been said because the person on the bus wanted to fight me. It was my strongest fear, beckoning forth for me to literally face it ‘on the bus’. Rather than even getting on the bus, I went away from the guide of mine who had told me that and focused on finding my car.
I went around the school building many times looking for my car and finally found it, simply parked in the school parking lot near where the bus was. I remember waking up before even driving home.
Even for a time after this dream, I had assumed that if I had not gotten in my car and left than I would have gotten in a fight on the bus, which was my biggest unresolved fear that needed to be transmuted and understood in a new light. Upon gaining an experience of meditation that day, I received a very strong insight from my guides about what this dream was actually meant to represent.
I was literally being given the chance to face my fear head-on and had I chosen to sit with the person who I had made angry, who I feared wanted to ‘fight’ – I would have found a similar experience to that of my previous dream wherein the wise old soul explained that the young group could not and did not wish to hurt me in any way.
I would have found a friendship with this soul and the dream would have likely continued, and the person I had ‘made mad’ would have likely revealed himself as yet another guide.
All of the dreams and physical experiences that I have had recently have served to expose parts of myself that still need transmuted past the surfacing of the physical and emotional abuses.
There is still work to be done and for me personally, it is now being performed happily as I continue along this crazy ascension path. Everything I have went through has been necessary for not only my own growth, but so that as I began to grow and learn myself I could begin to offer others advice who are just beginning to go through this process, on how they can better handle it and excel along it.
This is exactly what I wish to do; assist others who are undergoing similar endeavors of surfacing and working through all that is not in resonation with the higher realms.
Whenever you experience yourself within an energy you don’t appreciate or don’t resonate with, or whenever you find yourself surfacing negative and former parts of yourselves in general, I have one simple suggestion which has helped me enormously:
Allow the surfacing. Allow it to literally flow through you.
I feel pain coming up. How could this person have done this to me?
Somebody made fun of me. I am feeling very strong negative emotion toward them. Should I let it surface or stuff it back down?
I feel disgusted with myself. How could I have done this to that person?
“Allow, allow, allow the surfacing dear child.
Every emotion that you are bringing through yourself is there for a reason, every habitual reaction that you have to events which manifest in your dreamscape and in your physical reality; allow all of it to surface so that you can see and feel the very real veils you have employed within yourself which are related to former fears and pains that you are now transmuting with the surfacing of each and every energy and emotion that you find coming through yourself, for whatever specific reason it is coming through you at any given time.
It is all meant to allow you to allow yourself to transmute it and what lies behind and beyond it, once and for all.” – The Ascended Collective, who seemed to braid their energies with mine as I was writing the above. [They are the Guides of all of us.]
As I am now learning to do and will be doing, we need to allow this surfacing on every level that it is occurring. Things are going to happen that ‘make us angry’, ‘make us sad’, ‘frustrate us’, ‘drain us’ and all of these things happen for the ultimate purpose of exposing to ourselves that we are still feeling and feeding such emotions, for reasons that many of us have not yet surfaced or are in the thick of surfacing at this very moment.
At all times, trust in yourself and know that what you are doing by allowing in as detached of a manner as possible, these emotions to come through as you are exposed to why they are coming through; know that it is all a part of your process and behind the pains, the fears, the frustrations, the vasanas – we are all Divine, Multidimensional Creators.
Always know that, and you’re on the right track.
Wes Annac – Incarnate Rep., GF and PHC [while humbly learning lessons]